|Posted by Mark Lawrence on March 2, 2011 at 6:59 PM||comments (0)|
Growing up we learn to relate to friends, family members and colleagues but rarely do we nowadays have suitable role models to learn 'healthy intimate relating' from. In couples therapy partners can learn what makes a relationship satisfying and where they can enhance theirs.
Feeling at ease with your therapist
It is important that you as a couple feel comfortable with your therapist, be it a woman, a man or a 'therapy couple'. Give your therapist a few sessions to feel whether there is a good fit between you, your partner and the way the therapist works with you.
What to expect
In couples therapy counsellors, coaches and therapists traditionally follow different theories. What you can expect is that your therapist will ask about your relationship history to understand how you came together as a couple and what your challenges have been along the way. They will also take your personal history including some details about your family of origin to see whether there are patterns in your family history that are repeating themselves.
Individual sessions - couples session
Personally I have found that a mixture of couples and individual sessions works best. In all couples issues there are potentially hidden personal challenges that are triggered by the partner. These personal issues come up as an invitation to be dealt with and it sometimes is better for the individual to work through them in their own time and space.
In couples session I have found that couples learn to better listen to their partner when they are asked to listen first and then speak, rather than to react immediately. This structure often helps them to be able to fully express themselves within the safe environment of the therapy and on the other side to actively listen with patience and keep reactivity low.
Use your therapist wisely
As a couples therapist I suggest to my clients that they want to use my time wisely. They do not need to come into therapy to pay me to watch them have the same fights as they have at home. This time is better used to think about the underlying reasons and mechanism that lead to the fighting. Refer to my other article 'Couples Therapy - It Can Save Your Relationship!' for more information.
Ask for professional help
If you have been wondering if couples therapy is for you then give it a try. When emotions run high reactivity is almost unavoidable. Sometimes all your efforts might not be enough to change the patterns you and your partner have gotten yourself into. If you have not yet found the courage to ask for help it is time to do it now.
|Posted by Mark Lawrence on March 2, 2011 at 4:49 PM||comments (1)|
So why do people find it so difficult to stay in love? In his book, Your Love and Marriage, Dr. Willard Harley Jr. says that when couples first get married, they work extra hard at fulfilling their partner's emotional needs. However, problems arise once someone decides they no longer care about their partner's emotional needs. Once this occurs, a marriage can quickly become miserable.
Regarding marriage counseling, Dr. Willard also says it has the worst success rate of any form of counseling. Willard refers to a study that only 25% of those seeking marriage counseling experience any success. In some situations, marriage and relationship counseling can benefit a relationship. A counselor can offer suggestions on resuscitating a near dead relationship or help you to realize that you may not be meeting your partner's emotional needs.
Relationship counseling probably doesn't experience much success because many couples seek help after it's too late. For instance, consider the average smoker who doesn't quit smoking until after they are diagnosed with lung cancer. Although they quit, they didn't throw out their last cigarette until after their body had already suffered irreversible damage.
Relationship counseling cannot fix a dead relationship. Unfortunately, some relationships cannot be saved. If one or both partners have mentally abandoned the marriage, it's beyond repair. The exception is any couple with a sincere interest in preserving their relationship. If you choose to remain married, prepare to put in the necessary time and effort to maintain your relationship. Think of counseling as a spark that can potentially reignite a smoldering cinder into a roaring flame.
|Posted by Mark Lawrence on March 2, 2011 at 2:22 AM||comments (0)|
Are you looking for fantastic marriage advice for saving your marriage following cheating? Then you've undoubtedly come to the proper place. Put these suggestions to work for your marriage proper away and see what an amazing difference they can make for your marriage today and in the future. You won't be disappointed.
But, make certain you read every line and then click the link at the bottom in order to get the full picture about what you require to do to make your marriage work for the lengthy haul.
Here's what you want to do to get started. Of course, marriage advice for saving your marriage after cheating is only great if its put to use so get busy making this great guidance work for your marriage these days.
Apologize for cheating. But, don't let your apology end there. Make sure you mention the reality that your actions have caused pain to the individual you really like most in the world and that you'll by no means totally forgive your self for that. Apologize for the humiliation your cheating caused. Then apologize for the other things you do that you know drive a wedge in your marriage. Don't provide excuses or justifications. Just provide a sincere apology and leave the choice to accept the apology and/or offer forgiveness in your spouse's hands.
Discover to ask for the things you require from your spouse. This is important and so couple of people manage to discover this. Instead of asking for what is required you anticipate your spouse just to give it to you. When you aren't obtaining what you require you really feel resentful about it. That resentment builds and builds over time and then you're angry without even truly understanding why. When you discover to ask for what you require, the odds are excellent that you'll get it. They are infinitely better than the odds are for getting it when your spouse doesn't even have a clue that you require it.
Be the greatest husband or wife you can possibly be until you're told, with out a doubt, to stop. Practice becoming a far better husband or wife and you'll see excellent improvement in the status of your marriage. You may even feel a sudden thaw in the air. You already know the little things you can do that will make your spouse happy. You don't need to spend a lot of cash in order to get main results. It's little touches that mean the world to your spouse. Get busy practicing them and see what type of impact they'll have on your marriage.
|Posted by Mark Lawrence on March 1, 2011 at 6:52 PM||comments (0)|
divorce by. You ought to confront your marriage relationship problems head-on. You need to face these issues and address them, together. It takes both sides communicating feelings and suggestions in order to discover the greatest route for solving these issues.
Whenever issues are left unresolved, they are like picking up a thorn in the yard that doesn't get pulled out. Each and every now and then they're going to hurt once more, and get buried a little deeper, until the issue is more painful, and harder to fix. They ought to always be addressed instantly.
And don't let having marriage relationship problems lead you to think that your marriage is just wrong, or too late to save. You can stop your divorce by recognizing that marriage has no set rules for anybody, but only deep adore, accurate forgiveness, and a commitment to the marriage are going to save it.
By taking a calm look, alone as nicely as together, and talking about the issues that make it hard, you can discover methods to ease your partner's pain, and make it much better for them. This is some thing that marriage partners sometimes forget, and that is to prefer the other's happiness over your own. It's a hard idea, but it truly works for your own happiness much more than it sounds like it will.
Be strong. Quit your divorce by taking charge, and by confronting your marriage relationship problems. Take the bull by the horns, and don't give in, but take the required steps to hold your marriage together. It will grow stronger from every expertise that involved you fighting for it.
|Posted by Mark Lawrence on February 28, 2011 at 8:34 PM||comments (0)|
Are you having problems in yourmarriage? Are you looking for advice on what to do? Are youconsidering marriage counseling? Would you like help for your marriage?
At StrongMarriageNow we dedicateourselves to helping couples learn Marriage Success Skills to solve theproblems in their marriage and have the loving, passionate marriages they want.
Check out our library of marriagearticles on our blog
We’ve got lots of helpful tips:
Have you been impacted by infidelity or an affair?
Do you want to improve your communication?
What can you learn from celebrity relationships?
Are you alone in this? What are the statics of marriage problems?
The divorce rate is ——
How do you know when to divorce?
Tips to Solve Marriage Problems
A lot of Marriage Problems can besolved by focusing on spending postiive time together:
1Seek help early. The average couple waits six yearsbefore seeking help for marital problems (and keep in mind, half of allmarriages that end do so in the first seven years). This means the averagecouple lives with unhappiness for far too long.
2Edit yourself. Couples who avoid saying everycritical thought when discussing touchy topics are consistently the happiest.
3Soften your “start up.”Arguments first “start up” because a spouse sometimes escalates the conflictfrom the get-go by making a critical or contemptuous remark in aconfrontational tone. Bring up problems gently and without blame.
4Accept influence. A marriage succeeds to the extentthat the husband can accept influence from his wife. If a woman says, “Do youhave to work Thursday night? My mother is coming that weekend, and I need yourhelp getting ready,” and her husband replies, “My plans are set, and I’m notchanging them”. This guy is in a shaky marriage. A husband’s ability to beinfluenced by his wife (rather than vice-versa) is crucial because researchshows women are already well practiced at accepting influence from men, and atrue partnership only occurs when a husband can do so as well.
5Have high standards. Happy couples have high standardsfor each other even as newlyweds. The most successful couples are those who,even as newlyweds, refused to accept hurtful behavior from one another. Thelower the level of tolerance for bad behavior in the beginning of arelationship, the happier the couple is down the road.
6Learn to repair and exit the argument.Successful couples know how to exit an argument. Happy couples know how torepair the situation before an argument gets completely out of control.Successful repair attempts include: changing the topic to something completelyunrelated; using humor; stroking your partner with a caring remark (“Iunderstand that this is hard for you”); making it clear you’re on common ground(“This is our problem”); backing down (in marriage, as in the martial artAikido, you have to yield to win); and, in general, offering signs ofappreciation for your partner and his or her feelings along the way (“I reallyappreciate and want to thank you for.…”). If an argument gets too heated, takea 20-minute break, and agree to approach the topic again when you are bothcalm.
7Focus on the bright side. In ahappy marriage, while discussing problems, couples make at least five times asmany positive statements to and about each other and their relationship asnegative ones. For example, “We laugh a lot;” not, “We never have any fun”. Agood marriage must have a rich climate of positivity. Make deposits to youremotional bank account.
|Posted by Mark Lawrence on February 27, 2011 at 1:48 AM||comments (1)|
Have you tried and tried to work on your marriage without results? Are you scared that you might lose your marriage? Do you want to save your marriage?
At StrongMarriageNow, we are dedicated to not only saving marriages but making them the marriage of your dreams. We believe that being happily married is a learned skill and our site, emails and Systems are designed to teach Marriage Success Skills to save marriages and get them back on track.
There are six major skills that couples need to learn in order to have a strong and healthy marriage. These are:
* Spending Time Together
* Understanding Each Other
* Resolving Conflict
* Agreeing on Money Issues
* Fairly Dividing Responsibilities
* Having a Satisfying and Healthy Sex Life
Couples that are strong in these areas have a really good shot at having a long-term happy save marriage. If you feel like your marriage could use some work in one or more of these areas, check out our StrongMarriageNow System
You wake up one day and your relationship is shattered. Most of the passion that existed between the two of you is gone, and your mate says “I’m not in love with you anymore,” or “I don’t feel the same way about you.” Maybe you’ve recently separated, are in the mists of a divorce, or are in a relationship crisis. This article describes how to reconnect with your partner, end the frustration and hurt of rejection, and the fear of losing your relationship, without asking your partner for one thing!
Understand how this came to be. Even though it seems that the crisis appears suddenly, in many cases it does not. A relationship crisis usually builds slowly over time with one person caught completely off guard, and the other claiming that they are tired of trying and trying with no change. Many people are baffled when they find themselves in the midst of a relationship crisis, wondering what went wrong!
Be wary of feeling like the victim and more attuned to changing your perception. More often than not this causes the person on the receiving end to feel victimized, and they conclude that their partner is to blame. Nothing in your relationship or your life will change until you are willing to change from the inside out!
Banish the following niggling thoughts:
* But, what about my husbands infidelity? That’s what caused our marriage or relationship crisis!
* But, what about the way my partner tries to control everything I do?
* But, what about the fact that my partner works so much and is never home?
* But, what about the fact that my partner never spends any time with me?
* But, what about my partners sarcasm, criticism and belittling demeanor?
* But, what about the way my partner argues and fights with me?
* But, my husband doesn’t listen to me!
Avoid blaming. Is your partner wrong for doing any of the things in the banish thoughts list? Unequivocally yes, but placing all the blame on your partner isn’t going to get that person to change their behavior. In fact, it will only destroy your relationship focusing on the blame and fault-worthiness.
Accept that none of the worries and distress will change until you do. There is an underlying reason for your partner’s behavior, and some of that may in fact rest with him or her. However, you won’t get your partner to change by telling them to do so, or by finding fault with what they do. What if someone said to you right now: “You are completely to blame for your relationship crisis and you need to change.” Did this person make you angry? Do you resent this person for what they said? Oh yes, we can all see the steam coming out of your ears! What makes you think for one minute that you’ll get a different reaction out of your partner? Well, you won’t!
Understand that people resist change when they are being forced or manipulated to do so, but watch them change in a big hurry when it’s their idea! It’s all about change isn’t it? If you could only get your partner to spend more time with you, work less often, be more understanding, more romantic, less sarcastic, less critical, less verbally abusive, less controlling, or completely monogamous then you would have the perfect relationship! The question is how do you get someone to change who feels that they haven’t done anything wrong, or that their behavior is justified? You change the only side of the equation that you can. Yours! Ok, you’re probably saying: “Why should I change when it’s his or her fault, or how is changing my side of the equation going to make him or her change their behavior?” Well, there is no 100% guarantee that it will, but most of the time, changing your perception and not blaming will change both of you for the better.
Ponder this question long and hard: If you don’t change from the inside out what will be different in your relationship or marriage?
How do I Know If My Marriage Can Be Saved?
Is My Marriage Over If My Spouse Cheated?
A marriage can not only be saved after an affair but it can actually get a lot better with some work. I mean I don’t want to minimize how painful the betrayal and loss of trust caused by an affair can be. And it happens to a lot of marriages, in fact 50% of marriages are impacted by some sort of infidelity at some point in the marriage
How Do We Get Over an Affair?
If the couple decides to stay together and work on it, finding out why their relationship was vulnerable in the first place and then fixing it can actually lead to a stronger, happier marriage. If you find you’re in this situation and you’re not sure what to do, we recommend following six steps to save your marriage.
We know from your questions that some of you are in this situation so we want to go over these steps with you.
1. First, you need to understand that it’s about meeting each other’s emotional needs. Research shows that 95% of affairs are caused by one or both parties feeling as if they are not understood, appreciated and/or loved. It’s not actually about the sex. It’s about feeling connected, wanted and meeting core emotional needs. One or both members of the couple need to stop getting these needs met outside the marriage and instead rely on each other to meet them.
2. Secondly, of course you have to stop the infidelity in order to move forward with the marriage. The partner that had the indiscretion must stop having anything to do with the person that they’re seeing outside the marriage. The type of contact that must stop includes face-to-face meetings, email, phone, Facebook, chat or anything else. You can only move forward in the marriage if the affair is totally in the past and stays there.
3. Thirdly, Both members of the couple must accept some responsibility. This is a hard one for people, guys. But, both members of the couple must recognize that they are both responsible for the state of their marriage. When the marriage has significant issues, it is vulnerable to an affair. Hey, pay attention, those of you who have not been impacted by an affair yet. Let me repeat, any marriage that has significant problems is vulnerable to an affair. Accepting some of the responsibility is typically extremely difficult for the injured party to understand but is essential in order to move forward. One of you may have stepped over the line but because both of you were not connecting and meeting each other’s needs, the marriage was vulnerable.
4. Fourth, give the injured party time to heal. The injured party will need time to recover from the hurt and lack of trust that the infidelity caused and the partner that engaged in the affair needs to be generous with the time it takes to recover. Trust must be earned back.
5. Fifth, understand that your marriage will never be the same. But that’s a good thing because the state of the marriage caused this situation that led to the infidelity. You need to work together to create a new and better marriage and future. Like I said before, there are many marriages that end up much stronger after an affair because the couple knows how incredibly important it is to stay connected, supporting each other and strong together.
6. And finally, learn relationship skills to build a new strong marriage. Being in a successful marriage is a learned skill that many of us never learned from the role models around us. I know I never got it from my parents. The good news is that the skills that make a strong relationship can be learned and that’s exactly what we dedicate ourselves to at StrongMarriageNow.com.
Bottom line, if you’re in this situation, you have to ask, can both of you commit to these steps? If so, there is hope to save your marriage. And again guys, if you have kids, I hope that you can both find it in your hearts to do the work.
|Posted by Mark Lawrence on February 26, 2011 at 11:55 PM||comments (0)|
A marriage ending in divorce is a tragedy for everyone involved. If there’s one thing true about divorce, divorce is never easy and is always painful for all involved parties. Are you wondering if you’ll be able to put a stop to your divorce? I want to reassure you that you can–and not only that, you will save your marriage and restore its vigor and charm! Let me show you how..
1. Believe that you’ll be able to stop divorce. So many people brush this step off as unnecessary, but the truth is that it’s foundational to stopping your divorce. The hard truth is that if you don’t really believe in your heart that you can put a stop to your divorce and save your marriage, then it will be next to impossible to do so.
2. Explain to your spouse that you are committed to your marriage and that divorce is not an option! Tell your spouse that not only do you want to stop divorce or stop your divorce and save your marriage, but that you want to build him (or her) up and be an encouragement in their life. Also, don’t be afraid to admit past mistakes to your spouse — doing so will show them that you are serious about stopping your divorce.
3Affirm and encourage your spouse in actions and words daily. This is the most powerful step in the whole process, and I can guarantee that if you are consistent in this daily affirmation then your spouse will have no choice other than to love you back.
Resist the urge to be negative in the way you think about your marriage or your spouse. Negativity is all around us, so surround yourself with positive people.
Always be honest with your spouse, expressing your true feelings and desires. Don’t be afraid to tell your spouse that you want nothing more than to put a stop to your divorce and to save your marriage. Showing her this type of passion is contagious!
Prove to your spouse that you are
|Posted by Mark Lawrence on February 24, 2011 at 2:20 AM||comments (0)|
Do you feel that your marriage is falling apart? Do you feel that you want something much more out of your marriage? Have you tried seeking some help but failed? Everybody desires a fantastic marriage, one that would last for a lifetime. For most of the folks, it's an essential chapter in one's life.
There are numerous marriage help books that you can read on. These books can give you clear and concise facts and info. These guarantee you to attain that long and lasting relationship. In the world you are in today, divorce is rampant. Some individuals feel that if they don't like their partner anymore, they get an instant divorce. Don't jump into that bandwagon. It won't do you any excellent. If you feel your relationship with your loved 1 is on the rocks then do some thing about it. Read some marriage assist books.
Should Read # 1 The Five Love Languages
This is written by Gary Chapman. It's a Christian manuscript that could assist you comprehend your husband a lot more. In a way, it assists you reevaluate your actions towards him as well. It is a lot more of like a workbook. There are numerous questions that you need to answer initial. It might be lengthy for you to look but you do have to answer it honestly. The end part will tell you which adore language you prefer a lot more.
The author practically shows you what way you communicate with your loved one. You could have the adore language in a form of speech, touch, gifts, actions and time. As you realize your spouse's love language, it will be extremely simple for you to speak his language too.
Need to Read # 2 Each and every Man's Marriage
It's not only the ladies that reads marriage aid books. Men read it too. This is a great read. Stephen Arterburn and Fred Stoeker together with Mike Yorkey came up with this one. It's a practical guide for men on discovering the desires of their wives. It also entails as to how to fulfill those desires. It's tough to comprehend females and their requirements. By reading this, you get to have a clear picture as to what ladies want.
Must Read # three Creating Marriage Function
It may sound humorous but most people discover this useful. You can get it at an inexpensive price. You get to discover ways on how to make your marriage much more romantic. It provides you information as to what issues you should by no means say to your spouse. What is a lot more is that you get to make your sex life much more exciting. There's humor injected from cover to cover. It's a counseling book that helps you communicate with your partner much better.
These are just some excellent reads that can assist your marriage. Nevertheless, you do have to keep in mind that it is your actions that greatly contribute to making your relationship stronger. There's more to saying "I do" in the wedding. It's a lifelong partnership with your loved one. Don't settle for a divorce but mend it. Always let adore be the initial priority in your marriage.
|Posted by Mark Lawrence on February 23, 2011 at 8:17 PM||comments (0)|
Is it a great concept for couples to go in for marriage counseling together? Arguments can be created for both sides. It's great to be able to air your grievances and hear what your spouse has to say in return nevertheless, having your significant other there with you may possibly inhibit you from saying what you're truly thinking and feeling. If you have an skilled marriage coach to help you, though, you may discover that couples counseling is the best thing that happened in your marriage because your honeymoon. It's all in understanding the correct way to communicate and discuss what's bothering every of you, and you can both end up feeling much better after a session.
A lot depends on what makes you feel the most comfy. Don't agree to couples counseling when you're so afraid of your spouse that you won't be willing to discuss any of your difficulties. Your coach can't help you unless you fill him in on what the problems are, so if he asks you about what's bothering you and you tell him "nothing", he isn't going to know what problems want to be addressed. A lot of couples aren't excellent candidates for a group session like this, because they just don't get along well enough any more. Though getting it all off of your chest can be therapeutic in some instances, there's truly small to be gained from sitting and screaming at each other just like you do at home.
A excellent marriage coach will moderate in a way that stops non-productive fights from taking place. You might believe that's impossible, but there's a reason this guy is an professional. Not only will he assist you control the fighting, but he'll give you methods you can use to deal with your difficulties when he's not around. Clearly, if you could stop the fighting and screaming, the antagonism between the two of you will cool, too. The environment in your house will be much more comfy for everybody who lives there. Absolutely nothing hurts kids any more than their parents continuously being at each and every other's throats, so studying to turn a negative scenario to a positive can have a lot of impact on household life.
Is a marriage coach a guy with all the answers? No, there are some issues that there are no answers to, and other people that will function out better if you figure out the answers yourselves, but a coach is a person who can offer you with the guidance you require to turn your marriage around. If this is what you're both looking for, then this marriage counseling option can be just what you're looking for.
|Posted by Mark Lawrence on February 23, 2011 at 2:20 AM||comments (0)|
The rising rates of divorce from across the country only prove how difficult it can be to maintain a relationship and how straightforward it is to wonder aloud "How to save my marriage from divorce?" But 1 thing individuals nearly frequently forget is that there is a reason behind the relationship the two of you have built, in the initial location. These days, when divorce attorneys abound and children know what alimony and custody means, what you ought to often maintain in mind is that there is usually hope for salvaging the bond built between you and your partner.
How to Save My Marriage from Divorce Step 1: SLOOOOW DOWN
Virtually all individuals nowadays are harried by time and the pressures of speeding up everything the average individual does in his time. Everything is carried out by the clock, and now, it is not just food that has found "fast" affixed prior to it. Numerous relationships are also forgetting that when it comes to individuals and the special bond of marriage, quickly merely ought to not be discovered. It takes time to develop relationships precisely since it takes time to know somebody, and only following truly and really realizing somebody can you love the individual sufficient to begin a marriage with.
How to Save My Marriage from Divorce Step Two: Discover YOUR Reasons
If you believe that you have taken the slow and steady approach to constructing a relationship, then you most likely know a lot about the person you have fallen madly in love with (at least prior to). This is the key to discovering out how to rebuild the relationship, the key answer to your ultimate question of "How to save my marriage from divorce?" When a house finds itself riddled with cracks, the most likely reason behind it is a issue with foundations. This really applies to most marriages nowadays. Discover out what has happened to have altered and undermined the foundation where your marriage was built. Now, get back to the reason why, or talking with him about what he found so lovable in you so he can see that it is still there, and the both of you still have a lot to gain by maintaining the relationship.
How to Save My Marriage from Divorce Step Three: FORGOTTEN FOUNDATIONS
Most of the time, the issue with marriage is that one or the other has just forgotten why they have decided to begin the relationship in the 1st location, and most can be remedied by studying this aspect. But occasionally, even the foundations can't aid but require to be wholly rebuilt. Occasionally, it is also feasible that the points your spouse adored in you, or which you adore in your spouse, has changed. As individuals grow and as time happens, we can't aid but alter and develop new perspectives and scales of values to be applied in life. What was once a desired trait in 1 of you may now be insignificant to the other. If so, function on building new and much better foundations. Look and you will locate that your partner has not truly turn out to be totally undesirable, but that you merely have to look at the numerous other beautiful traits that you can like about him.
How to Save My Marriage from Divorce Step Four: TAKE UP THE CHALLENGE